December 20, 2012

"Hugs are so erotic!"

December 19, 2012

"I used to spend hours reading on the toilet. I mean, think about it- no one is going to disturb you!"

"Oh my gosh! The clear ones are soooo good!"

Me- "Department of Agriculture?"
Student- "Ball-sack! Thomas Vilsack"
Me- "I think more of a sack of potatoes!"
Student- "But ball-sack is so much more memorable!"

December 18, 2012

"Watch me destroy you in Balls with Friends!"

"I love the F word! There are so many uses for it! It is a noun, a verb, an adjective, everything!"

"Balls with Friends is not doing it for me right now!"

December 12, 2012

"Why do we need to know about Andrew Jackson? Because he murdered someone in the face?!?"

December 7, 2012

"Were there really pearls in that harbor? Maybe that's why they are extinct now!"

"It's way easier for girls to keep it in their pants than guys!"

"Put it in my mouth!"

December 6, 2012

"I forget you're a girl sometimes and I punch you really hard!"

"I hate these things! They are too hard!"

"Ohh! Velcro pockets, I like that!"

November 30, 2012

"Bye Ms. Stevens! Have a great weekend! Hope you find your heart!"

November 29, 2012

"Sue? That's what you call a cow! That is not a human name!"

November 27, 2012

Student- "Ms. Stevens! Did you like Huey Lewis and the News?"
Me- "Yes!"
Student- "Well, I named my man part Huey Lewis and the Pubes!"
Me- SPEECHLESS

"Sack up and write him up!"

"I hate watching ugly people make out!"

November 20, 2012

"I can't believe I don't know how to spell weiner!"

"I can't wait till weiners on Thursday!"

"People like me who have a brick for a phone!"

November 14, 2012

"Did the Nazi's have cars?"

November 1, 2012

"I went home and played with my lizard!"

October 29, 2012

"I live in the butt middle of nowhere!"

"Let's put Obama in the free space since he likes to give out free crap!"

October 26, 2012

"He's the best if you know how to play with him!"

October 19, 2012

"Thugnificent!"

"Are you ready for your 7 minutes in heaven?"

"Someone divise up a question!"

"Derek Cheater!"

October 18, 2012

"We'd all get frizzy!"

October 17, 2012

"It just needs to be screwed!"

October 16, 2012

Student 1- "I just remebered, this game is impossible!"
Student 2- "Yea, you have to be drunk to win!"

"If I have a boy, he WILL be gay!"

October 3, 2012

"I'm too black to be out here- I'm already looking half African!"

"Don't touch my hand, its playdough!"

"Ever had sex on veggies?"

"You're getting your butt sued off!"

"No, I will not shut my face! Whoa! That sounded better in my head!"

September 27, 2012

"Yea, I believe that about as far as I can throw a... MOOSE!"

"Cougars are still in with me!"

"Is the term 'good guy' an oxymoron?"

September 26, 2012

"I love rubbing old women!"

"If this team was a skeleton, I'd be the pinky toe!"

"Do I have the right to wear velcro shoes?"

"Who called James Madison, Daddy?"

"It's the power of Pine-Sol baby!"

"What if we were fish?"

"I think dumb is sexy!"

April 24, 2012

"Aren't all houses in Pulaski mobile?"

April 13, 2012

"Are you kidding me? He's 18? That is a pedophiles dream!" (In reference to Justin Bieber)

"I'm a dumbass and I don't know what I'm doing!"

March 13, 2012

Student 1- "As a diabetic I sometimes talk to myself!"
Student 2- "Leave your pancreas out of this!"

March 9, 2012

"Let's go 3 ways!"

"Your boobs run too fast!"

Student 1- "I feel violated!"
Student 2- "You are the one that put them all over me!"

March 8, 2012

"They ride cattle- they don't play soccer!"

"Jenna Marbles? That sounds like a porn star!"

"We're not even dating and he's already beating my ass!"

"It's a rememberable word!"

"I do that all the time in public!"

"I have no fear of itching my body in public!"

Student- "What comes after 69?"
Class- "70"
Student- "No! Mouthwash!"

February 22, 2012

"Is the anal stage why pooping feels so good?"

February 8, 2012

"Are you still doing that nice guy thing?!?"

February 1, 2012

"That class is a chex mix of suck!"

Teacher- "What is political courage?"
Student- "Having some fur on your peaches!"

January 30, 2012

"My hoho was hard... and crunchy!"

"I did get 2 hoho's for the price of 1!"

"I don't know what the stuff in the middle is!"

(My student teacher likes his hoho's)

"Black people word of the day- finna! Spelled F-I-DOUBLE N-A!!"

January 26, 2012

Student 1- "Is it Lebanese?"
Student 2- "Isn't that a bug?"
(Talking about my student teacher's name)

"If you have chocolate and you scratch your butt with it, it will taste like butt chocolate!"

"I just shoved butt chocolate in your mouth!"

January 24, 2012

"I don't get mad, I just get annoyed and want to punch everyone in the face!" (And no, I did not say this one)

A girl talking to a boy- "So I really wanted to just be able to tell them, 'I was raised by two gay men who, my whole life, have always wished I was a gay boy' and be done with it!"

January 19, 2012

Student- "Ms. Stevens, I found the dikdik and it grows to be 14 inches long!"
Me- "That sucks!"
Student- "It is so cute!"

Student teacher- "Why do you like southern girls?"
Student- "Because they make the rockin' world go round!"

"My parents are the lamest people! Like, I don't think they know how to have fun!"

Algerian student- "Osama bin Laden is NOT my uncle!"

Student 1- "What is a cardigan?"
Student2- "A card you use again!"

Student 1- "Do girlfriends count as the buddy system?"
Student 2- "Do you want to sit and watch each other go?"

"I know how to say I'm horny in Spanish! I thought I was really saying I'm excited!"