December 15, 2011

"Why are you jacking off in a hot tub?"

"As long as they are a 6 out of 10, or maybe even a 5, I'll take them!"

"It's not about the quality of girls, it's about the quantity!"

December 14, 2011

Student 1- "Dude, I've got to stop farting in school!"
Student 2- "Why?"
Student 1- "Because I've got to find a new girl."

Teacher- "Please sit down and be still."
Student- "But I have ADHD and it is really bad right now!"
Teacher- "I suggest you not have it in here!"

"You enticed my butthole!"

December 13, 2011

"Russia is NOT a race. Russians are white people!"

December 9, 2011

"It is not a buffet!"
(said during a debate on the 8th Amendment and whether or not people should be able to pick their punishment)

"Your Asian, you don't use spices! It's all about the rice and chicken!"

December 7, 2011

"I want him to sit behind me, he is better back there!"

"Just tell him your Mom died and that you need to leave class!"

"You can't think of the victim as a person!"

"Harriet is NOT a white person name!"

Me- "No means no!"
Student- "Actually, no means try harder!"

"Why go to a college where you have to try? I would rather party and learn a little than be serious and learn a lot!" -all said with a straight face!

Two gems from a teacher friend of mine-
Student- "Ms. ****, how many years do I need to go to school to be a gynotologist?"
Ms. ****- "If you can't pronounce it, you have no business studying it!"

Student- "Ms. ****, I'm getting a tattoo with my girlfriend's initials on it!"
Ms. ****- "Wow. Is she going to end up being more than a girlfriend? That is a big commitment!"
Student- " Oh, I'm ready for the commitment. We are going to be together forever. I bought her like $200 worth of pants just this weekend!"