Thursday, December 15, 2011

December 15, 2011

"Why are you jacking off in a hot tub?"

"As long as they are a 6 out of 10, or maybe even a 5, I'll take them!"

"It's not about the quality of girls, it's about the quantity!"

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

December 14, 2011

Student 1- "Dude, I've got to stop farting in school!"
Student 2- "Why?"
Student 1- "Because I've got to find a new girl."

Teacher- "Please sit down and be still."
Student- "But I have ADHD and it is really bad right now!"
Teacher- "I suggest you not have it in here!"

"You enticed my butthole!"

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Friday, December 9, 2011

December 9, 2011

"It is not a buffet!"
(said during a debate on the 8th Amendment and whether or not people should be able to pick their punishment)

"Your Asian, you don't use spices! It's all about the rice and chicken!"

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

December 7, 2011

"I want him to sit behind me, he is better back there!"

"Just tell him your Mom died and that you need to leave class!"

"You can't think of the victim as a person!"

"Harriet is NOT a white person name!"

Me- "No means no!"
Student- "Actually, no means try harder!"

"Why go to a college where you have to try? I would rather party and learn a little than be serious and learn a lot!" -all said with a straight face!

Two gems from a teacher friend of mine-
Student- "Ms. ****, how many years do I need to go to school to be a gynotologist?"
Ms. ****- "If you can't pronounce it, you have no business studying it!"

Student- "Ms. ****, I'm getting a tattoo with my girlfriend's initials on it!"
Ms. ****- "Wow. Is she going to end up being more than a girlfriend? That is a big commitment!"
Student- " Oh, I'm ready for the commitment. We are going to be together forever. I bought her like $200 worth of pants just this weekend!"

Friday, November 11, 2011

November 11, 2011

"Dude! How was your poop after that?"

"Some kids don't have legs!"

Quote from a paper that was turned in to me- "Now I have to keep writing something that has to do with this project so I can finish the last 3 lines or so. This project was good, I enjoyed this project, I think it was beneficial to me. I hope we can do it...poop...again it was very......feces.....educational and it gave me a new.....fecal matter....perspective of high school. It helped me realize.....RASCIST....that not all high schooler's are judgemental......poop.....over exaggerating teenagers. I think I'm almost done...Nope...Poop."

Thursday, November 10, 2011

November 10, 2011

"Poodles are bitches! They are so mean!"

"God, I would love to take a dump right here on the floor!"

"Nothing like picking your nose- it feels so good sometimes!"

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

October 26, 2011

"She looked like a Barbie that was thrown in the discard pile because she was ugly!"

"I have this filter that tells me to do things that probably just aren't smart to do!"


"He is better when he is behind me!"

Friday, October 21, 2011

October 21, 2011

"I might be Hellen Keller, geez!"

"I have to drop a bark!" (referring to poop)

"Ms. Stevens, look! My zipper is down again!"

"My Dad calls the surgery to make a woman into a man, 'addadicktome!'"

"Your poop is pointy!"

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

October 18, 2011

"I wish I were Tiger Woods!"

"A penis is like ovaries, it is just stuck up inside you. That is why girls are always so mad!"

Friday, October 14, 2011

October 14, 2011

"I'm not being rude, I'm being black!"

After talking about the 4 pre-industrial societies, one of my students makes up this joke:
"What society does a pimp live in?"
"A HORticultural Society!"

Monday, October 10, 2011

October 10, 2011

Student 1- "What do terrorists do?"
Algerian student- "We are modern day crusaders!"

"I didn't know they made black people make-up!"

Student 1- "In what state was a couple accused of kidnapping their 8 children?"
Student 2- "Jon and Kate Plus 8!"

Friday, September 9, 2011

September 9th, 2011

"Can you make a penis out of a vagina? Is it really possible?" -talking about Chaz Bono and his/her appearance on Dancing with the Stars

"That's more like Lady Gag Gag!"

"I was supposed to be drawing the White House and then I realized I was actually drawing the Lincoln Memorial!"

Me- "It is a lady's name!"
Student- "Franklin!"

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

September 6th, 2011

"They are a non-profit organization... with missiles!" (talking about Hezbollah)

"Black and the beanstalk!"

"Black people go hands up!"

Student 1- "What does castrate mean?"
Student 2- "To cut off your doodles!"

"Dude, I was at dinner last night and there was a guy with no arms... at a sushi restaurant!"

Friday, September 2, 2011

September 2nd, 2011

"It's Roanoke, where else do people get killed around here?"

September 1st, 2011

"Have you not seen the Cheez It commercials? There is a wheel of cheese in every cracker!"

"If I see them tomorrow, I'm having eyeball soup!"

"I hate being on my knees!"

Friday, August 26, 2011

Thursday, August 25, 2011

August 25, 2011

On the topic of Gay Marriage- "I think marriage should be open to anyone. Why can't people be miserable? Man or woman?"

"D is for donkey AND democrat!"

Girl in the hall: "Are we going to hang out this afternoon?"
Boy: "No!"
Girl: "Why not?"
Boy: "Because you are ugly!"
Girl: "Ok, see you at 3:00"

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

August 24, 2011

"I don't understand the point of a fire drill if there is never really a fire. We had a real earthquake yesterday and no earthquake drill."

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

August 23, 2011

"You have Ms. Show for Spanish? Just tell her that you forgot your work, she's like your mom but better!"

"Maybe she's from the Red Light District?"

Funny Stuff

So I started this blog after realizing that students at the high school where I teach say the funniest things! Last year I started a quote wall, this year I'm taking to the Internet!

A few tidbits from last year...

"You see, when God created Adam and Eve, he created a bunch of different colors of them. That is why I'm here!"

"Why don't they name a hurricane 'Penis' and say it is striking with massive force?"

"I like to see the sluts."

"Is it considered a pedophile if I liked younger boys before I was 18?"

Student- "Ms. Stevens, I'm not going to have kids. I'm going to have a bisectomy!"
Me- "A bisectomy? So you are having a vasectomy twice?"
Student- "Is that what it is called? A vasectomy?"