November 8, 2013

"Look how big your Jesus's nipples are!"

"Very unknown fact about Jesus: his right hand was smaller than his left." 

"You just ripped up Jesus!"

October 15, 2013

"There were so many Asians at Macados last night!"

October 8, 2013

"I can twerk to anything! I can even twerk to Beethoven!"

October 3, 2013

"I just hate how the internet gives us so much worthless sh*t!"

"Paraguay is the Detroit of the world!"

September 26, 2013

"Catching terrorists is like trying to hold an oiled watermelon!"

September 24, 2013

"My name is Jonah and my favorite book is 50 Shades of Grey." 

"I need lotion, my thumb is dry!"

May 30, 2013

"Don't baby daddy fight on Facebook!"

May 16, 2013

"I wore these pants for fun!"

May 14, 2013

"I've been on the blog like 100 times for the funny sh*t I say!"

"I wish I had boobs... But really!"

May 9, 2013

"Is this halfrican American really in here?" 

May 7, 2013

"Why do we live in a state that won't let us hit them?" -a teacher

April 30, 2013

"Did you just flex your pec at me!"

"That's dang bad!"

"That's not his finger- it's HUGE!"

April 24, 2013

This happened during a presentation, in government, today... What the what?!?

April 19, 2013

"Isn't Russia the big one?"

April 18, 2013

"The pelican said, 'excuse Randy Scott about quietly tripping!' Buddha dealt the liquor gladly, black guy!"

"For the record, this is the most delicious thing I've ever put inside of me. And I've put A LOOOOT of things inside of me!"

April 17, 2013

"Pigs are vicious!"

Student 1- "I'm hot!"
Student 2- "I would agree but you have a boyfriend!"

April 12, 2013

"I'm gonna have to be at school so I may as well argue with stupider people."

April 10, 2013

"I don't believe in concussions, they aren't real!"

April 9, 2013

"Is your grandmother a witch?"

Student 1- "She's dating a black kid from Christiansburg."
Student 2- "Pshhh... Another one bites the dust!"

April 8, 2013

"I want to build skate boards and live in Honolulu... Texas!"

"Ask a sophomore, they won't say no!"

April 3, 2013

Student 1- "Lindsey, your test is not going to do itself!"
Student 2- "Why not, I do myself all the time!"

Student 1 (boy)- "You're full of crap!"
Student 2 (girl)- "No I'm not, I pooped last night!"

April 2, 2013

"We have 31 days of school left, why are we still learning?"

"My uncle is a gay and I hate him! Not because he's a gay, because he's a douche!"

"What color is green?"

"I have the bladder of a 5 year-old lately!"

March 26, 2013

"He will have one emotion and then he will die! The life of an African is... Born- hungry- die!"

Student 1- "Thats racist!"
Student 2- "Thats not racist, there's white people in Africa too!"

March 20, 2013

"If you judge people in Goodwill, I think you're automatically going to hell!"

March 18, 2013

"I'm trying to get Healthcare passed and all this Congress cares about is Ron Paul's birthday party next weekend!"
-student talking about Sequester and gridlock...

March 15, 2013

"What the brown?
Let's go to brown town
If we don't, I'll frown.
I resemble a clown
Sometimes I look down
At a fat brown gown."

February 27, 2013

"I don't have enough money to buy cherries!"

"I make my dad buy them for me!"

February 23, 2013

"What do they do with their holes? They have to do something with them!"

February 22, 2013

"I did this for you because I know you don't like it when I lick stuff off the top!"

"When you're on the floor, sometimes it just feels NICE!"

February 21, 2013

"I spanked Caroline last night!"

February 19, 2013

"It's like a scary movie out there, you don't even know!" (referring to kids making out in the halls)

February 15, 2013

Student 1- "What country was the biggest crocodile found in?"
Student 2- "Florida!"

February 7, 2013

"I like them all! Jesus and anything that rhymes with it! Cheez-its!"

"I wasn't born in a house, that's GROSS!"

"I tell genuinely funny jokes that my be a little sexist!"

"Sometimes my butt tingles when I'm excited."

"Sometimes if I'm in a handshake and they rub their finger on my palm, my butt clenches up!"

"You're just mad because I got you to say cock!"

February 4, 2013

"Screw going to college! I'm going to be Beyonce!"

January 30, 2013

"I have a talent- I can text and drive!"

January 29, 2013

"She wore that in her wedding? Why? Is she a whore?"

January 28, 2013

Student 1-"He had a lot of slaves!" (Talking about James Madison)
Student 2- "So what am I supposed to do, bring in a bunch of black people?!?"

January 23, 2013

"I honestly don't want to tell him that it hurts. If I tell him, he will touch it and if he touches it, it will hurt!"

"It's George freaking Washington!"

January 15, 2013

"I could be a Kennedy because... I have big teeth!"

January 14, 2013

"I get really uncomfortable around fat people. They could... eat you!"